Urgent Aid Required for NZ North Shore

Due to the storms that have ravaged New Zealand's North Shore recently, the government has issued the following request for aid.

The major storm that hit the North Shore this week left residents reeling in its wake. Strong winds cut power to a number of areas, leaving householders baffled. One man was seen carrying his plasma screen up the street looking for somewhere to plug it in. Others suffered horrific losses. "I've driven from Milford to Rothesey Bay and I can't find a soy latte anywhere," sobbed a distraught woman.

Phone lines to landscape gardeners were clogged by anxious callers needing immediate assistance. "My Pacific fusion courtyard has been filled with my neighbour's California succulents - what should I do?" Property owners are being advised to stay calm and read landscaping magazines until help arrives.

The storm damage has left some residents philosophical. 'It was about time I changed my garden art," said one Devonport man. 'With my insurance payout I'll be able to get the very latest in limestone geometric figures while my neighbours are still stuck with their out-dated stainless steel sculptures. It's an ill wind, eh?"

Many drivers are finding their 4 wheel drive vehicles invaluable in the trying conditions. One man admitted he had driven right over workers clearing fallen trees from the road and had hardly felt a thing.

Rescue organisations have been quick to respond to the disaster. A Starbucks tanker is calling on housebound residents, and catering companies are rushing spit-roasting equipment to the area to provide hot venison paninis for those in need. Mobile cell-phone charging trucks will be on hand over the next few days until full power is restored.

Those outside Auckland who wish to help are encouraged to send gift vouchers for Hermes or Louis Vuitton, to speed the healing process through retail therapy. Or you can phone 0900 3RDWORLD to make a tax-deductible $500 donation. Please - these people need help. Really.