Dawes Family in New Zealand: Catching Up

Well as you all know from the previous post things have been a bit rough here for us lately.

I just want to say a HUGE thank you to all our amazing friends who have emailed, text, called and left comments on the blog for your love and support, you have no idea how much that means to us to know you care.

I also want to thank my nearest friends here, Susan, Jo, Joan and Jenny, your flowers were overwhelming and your support has been truly brilliant, I am so lucky to have you.

So I thought I would try and write an update with whats been going on over the last week. We really haven't done a lot and I have preferred to spend my days at home trying to take it easy and deal with it all.

Last Thursday was the day we received the final news on our pregnancy, it was also the day I started to miscarry properly and since then I haven't really been on top form. Friday I decided I needed some fresh air and I took Bethany to get her hair cut. She now has a lovely curly bob, the ragged mullet was driving her and us mad!

Afterwards we called at a few shops. I went into JK (which is a children's clothes shop) and left Bethany in the little toy area. Literally 30 seconds later I looked back and she was gone. I had a complete meltdown in the store. Another lady had also lost her little girl so we presumed they were together. Then I spotted a little girl through the security door shouting to get out, I called a shop assistant who made it clear she couldn't be bothered to help and we rescued the little girl, but no Bethany.

I ran round the shop, shouting, crying, and then out onto the street, looking in the cars, other shops, and basically having a complete breakdown, the worst notions going through my head (obviously the stress from everything else impacting me here). I went back into JK where the same assistant was stood in the exact same place, and I shouted at her to 'do something'. Anyway, I ran to the back of the store and Bethany jumped out from behind a staff door and shouted 'boo'. She saw the look on my face, I screamed at her and dragged her out of the shop, stopping off to say a big 'thanks for not helping me' to the sales assistant and threw her in the car. I didn't speak to her the whole way home, I just cried, she cried, I cried some more and by the time we got home I think she knew the score. I would like to say she wont do it again...

Saturday was a better day. On the morning Michael and Bethany were heading off on their usual swimming adventure. As I am not sleeping too well I got up too and we had a lovely morning, those two were gorgeous little fishes and I had some quality one on one time with a trashy magazine.

It's Mark and Jennys joint 40th Birthday party Saturday 12th and they have decided on a fancy dress 80's theme, so we called in at Jesters on the way home to choose some outfits. I wont spoil the surprise but lets just say - we both look pretty hideous!

On the afternoon we were kindly invited next door for a BBQ. Jenny's brother is over from the UK so we got to meet him and we had an amazing time in the blazing sunshine. Over a few hours I managed to get through a bottle of wine and lets just say I felt a bit better that day, slightly medicated!

However Sunday, Monday and today have been a bit harder. My bleeding has increased and I have had a lot more pain, I'm not sleeping and I am shattered really. My midwife Rhonda has been an absolute amazing woman, she calls and texts me all the time to make sure I am OK, a complete rock. On Monday I went to see the doctor as I just didn't feel well, she checked me over and really just confirmed the symptoms I had were normal for a miscarriage, although I did have a high temperature so I needed to keep an eye on it for fear of infection.

Today I spoke with Rhonda again and she advised I should just go to the WHAU (Women's Health Assessment Unit) at the hospital to be checked out and discuss my options. The weather today has been atrocious, and I mean it's just miserable, the rain has literally poured and although it sounds crazy it makes everything so much harder, especially when driving to new places such as the hospital.

Michael got out of work and came with me. I can honestly say Wellington Hospital could be the worst designed place I have ever seen. We walked what felt like 2 miles of blank corridors, took 4 lifts and asked everyone for directions. Eventually we found where we needed to be and I was advised to fill out a form. Which I did. Upon returning to the counter it was explained to me that they knew I was coming, spoke with Rhonda but felt I wasn't 'high priority' and would have a bit of a wait, how nice eh?

So we were left in this waiting room, a waiting room where in the next room I could hear a happy couple listening to their unborn baby's heartbeat. So we moved, out into another waiting room with happy pregnant women, it was a wonderful experience. I then went and advised the reception lady that we were moving to another area and she grunted at me, without even looking up.

After one and a half hours, it was all getting too much, Bethany was bored, Michael had to be at work (and excuse me for this) but I needed to get changed due to over leakage. I explained to the woman at the counter and she just said 'OK'. We left on the 2 mile walk back to the car feeling deflated, miserable and uncared for. The rain was still pouring outside which didn't really help with my mood and then we had to pay for car parking!

So all that is happening now is that after further discussions with Rhonda I am going to just ride it out for a few more days and see how I get on. To be honest I am happy with that as the other options, such as a D&C are all too much for me to cope with.

But we do have a few good days to look forward too. Michael's dad arrives on Friday, we are really looking forward to this (although I am completely unprepared) and we have the big fancy dress party on Saturday which we have been looking forward too for ages now - and yippee, we will have a babysitter!!