In The Middle

We always get the usual questions, now that we are 'time served' expats, those who seek to do as we did always have many questions. Funny enough the most common question is 'what are the bad things about New Zealand?'. A difficult question really.

We set off to start our new life without ever speaking to anyone here in Wellington, we figured nothing could be as bad as where we were and if the tourist adverts were anything to go by, we would be in heaven. We believe life is all about what you make of it yourself.

However for whatever reason we couldn't seem to make life work for us in the UK. We felt brick walls were being built up around us and options were growing more and more limited everyday. I often think - if our philosophy is 'life is what you make it' then how come we couldn't do that in the UK?

I find it hard to talk about this without giving the wrong impression to all our wonderful family and friends in the UK who love their lives their. For those guys we are truly happy, a little bewildered as to how and why based on how we felt there, but nonetheless happy. Then there are others who absolutely hate it. We talk to those who have nothing to say, have been nowhere, can't afford a holiday, hate work and are still sitting on that same bar stool every Friday night drinking away the crappy week they have had - and hating it.

I am feeling very unsettled lately, not because we are unhappy but sadness for others. We know of 3 families that have in the last week suddenly changed so dramatically with how they feel about NZ. All yearning so desperately for the UK, making plans to return.

On the other hand we have 8 families, some friends, and others through Dawes Migration Services who can't wait to get here. It's hard to explain but I am feeling the pressure of being in the middle. On one side I have the sympathising and offering advice to those those wanting to go back to the UK, then on the other side being excited, overjoyed and full of enthusiastic advice for the people who are leaving the UK. It's all very confusing and can stir up so many odd feelings, especially when I am feeling a little stuck in the middle.

I know I am rambling on a bit in this post but this week has been filled with a lot of thinking. I find myself on a bit of a emotional roller coaster sometimes and it's my own fault for becoming so wound up with other people's choices. Yet all I want to do is show our family and friends how happy we are and how others can have what we have. In some ways I hope I don't lose the love I have for New Zealand as these people have, it's funny but it actually upsets me to hear the bad things they now say, and it scares me to think that we could also feel like that one day.

Whatever happens for these families I hope they are one day happy and find that place of contentment. Right now I need to focus my attention on those wanting to live a better life here - and on us, the people in the middle of this crossroads, the people flying the expat flag for how much we love NZ.