Maternal Reflection

Well as you know by now we are expecting again! And before anyone asks, yes it was all planned but lets just say it was a 'planned surprise'!

It's been a long few weeks of contacting all our family and close friends with the news and as expected the reactions were all positive, my dad topping the comments though with: 'Michael, you need to get a hobby'!!

So I am feeling fine so far, I had a perfect pregnancy with Bethany, the joy, wonder, emotions and pure amazement of it all will be something I will never forget, and I can't wait to experience every part of it again. I am already stocked up with pregnancy books (it's amazing how you can forget things) and pretty much raring to go. However this time round it feels different.

This time I don't feel as if the news was so special, braking the news to some was an 'oh' instead of the last time reactions of 'yippee'. I also don't feel as fragile and precious as I did last time as it isn't something new, and with having Bethany our routines have to be normal.

I feel the stress of having my parents so far away from me, right now I am riding that emotional roller coaster again and yearning for them. I miss the support of my friends, my best friend announced her news that she was pregnant too, how wonderful for us both to be pregnant at the same time, but sadly we will be apart throughout it all.

I worry about how I will cope with Bethany and a new baby, I have friends here but they also have their own life and families. I am worried about being alone and feeling isolated. I also worry about the dynamics of our family, we seemed pretty settled as a 3, Bethany thriving from our undivided attention. I worry she will become jealous, distant and I already think about the fact I might lose that 'bond' with her as it will no longer be just mammy and Bethy.

But despite all my worries I wouldn't change a thing. It's an exciting time, one right now that is mixed with the most crazy thoughts, emotions and heart ache, but we know that this is going to be fantastic for us as a family. If we lived in the UK we know for a fact we would never have had anymore children, but our amazing lifestyle here not only means we can, but we want to.

A brand new journey, it's going to be utterly brilliant, it's going to be hard, and it's going to be different, but I am ready and waiting to embrace it all, and I can't wait.