Rough With The Smooth

Bethany is doing well at Kindergarten but she is now starting to falter a little.

The Kindy is lovely and the teachers amazing, that has never changed, it's just with the way children move onto school here in NZ that's causing some issues. They move on the actual day of their 5th birthday or immediately after if it falls on a holiday not like in the UK where they all move together on the term in September.

Poor Bethany seems to make friends with some of the most gorgeous children only for them to be whisked away to school never to be seen again. The whirlwind aftermath of everything being 'normal' at Kindy and new younger children coming in to replace them upsets Bethany, she wants to know why her friends keep leaving her, and why these new kids cannot speak to her, she is feeling very left behind.

The biggest blow for her which has literally rocked her world, and changed her into one very unhappy little girl is the loss of her best friend. Two girls that couldn't be separated, two girls that would run to each other and hug when they saw each other, two girls who would make things and give them as gifts to each other every day, two girls who now no longer see each other - at all.

Bethany's friend left for school a little over 4 weeks ago now, but it feels like a lifetime to her. She cries randomly and gets very upset, very much like she is in mourning for her. Speaking up with sad little moments such as 'I remember the last time I had this ice-cream...it was with my best friend' or 'I want to lie here with this coat as my best friend gave it to me'...heart breaking stuff really and it brings tears to my eyes to watch her so desperately sad. I have in fact cried for her, laying awake at night worrying about her, wondering what to do.

So of course you may wonder what happened to the 'best friend'? Well nothing at all, she went off to school as normal and I have heard she is doing well. The problem is that despite forming a tight friendship with her mother, the issue being is that it's actually me that has been dropped like a lead balloon.

We spent time together every other day, coffees, chats, lunches. We would even chat on the phone, have family gatherings and babysit each others children. Then it all changed. It changed from the day Denver came into our life.

The mother made it clear she wasn't happy of our 'choice' of dog and blatantly told me on the phone she wasn't going to tell us 'how to live our life'. She never contacted me again, avoiding me at Kindy too. I cannot tell you how much this annoys me that so far on our journey of breed ignorance we are still faced with the same crap.

Sadly the mother then intervened further. I heard she was spending more time at Kindy trying to keep the girls apart, finally of course getting ready for the big split. I have more than on one occasion contacted her, I have been bloody pissed right off and have confronted her about her actions, yet she is one of those who smiles to your face, and will rip you to shreds behind your back. Yes, one of those, and I know this as fact as I have witnessed it sadly directed at other Kindy parents who think they are friends.

The point I am getting to here is that I cannot explain to Bethany why. I cannot explain why she can't go see her best friend when she finishes school, or at the weekend, or even talk on the phone. I hide the photos and the pictures. I cannot tell her the truth as she will not understand, but right now I am sadly the one to blame, Bethany's anger is directed at me as I am the one saying no.

Only just the other day I had a call from my gorgeous neighbour who had spent a morning cuddling my girl, trying to stop the tears as she cried hysterically over a photo of her best friend she had seen in her profile book. I wasn't there for her, it tore me apart to know that my girl feels so strongly about this that she is willing to cry so openly for others. At that point luckily she was with someone who understood. I am so glad Alina was there for Bethany.

Sadly Bethany knows that her best friend won't come round because she is 'scared of the dog', it's so horribly terrible that at 4 years old she knows to ask how long it will be before Denver dies...


Despite the ups and downs so far I think (and hope) Bethany will come through this stronger. She has been so sad lately, waking many times in the night, sleeping with us and coming out with strange and sad things randomly through the day. Right now I am so reluctant to make play dates with other children at Kindy as they are all heading off to a different school, I really don't want to make it any harder for her, and selfishly for me too.

Maybe I worry about things too much but this has really got to me, if I had a simple answer as to why someone would just drop a friendship and split up two young girls then maybe I could let this go, maybe if Bethany was stronger then she could cope too, maybe its my parenting that's failed here? Maybe I could have gone about this another way? Many 'whats if's' later...

Whatever the reason we can only move forward, and it has done nothing but bring Bethany and I closer together which is just awesome. I adore my little girl, I have so many aspirations, dreams and hopes for her, but to see her this way breaks my heart.

For now we will ride this storm and hopefully come crashing out the other side.

Watch out world, Bethany Dawes is coming through......soon.