A Beginning, A Middle, But No End...

...Just an aftermath.

My parents visiting this time was a completely different experience to the last time. The build up was massive for me, a whole year apart and the anticipation took its toll. I have never felt so sick, worried and overwhelmed with happiness, it was so bad I was actually shaking. A volcano of emotions erupted.

In the blink of an eye it's now over, and too difficult to explain how I feel. Yesterday was horrendous, I spent most of the morning bursting into tears (out of sight of everyone of course) and being on the verge of vomiting. The anguish that came from knowing I had to say goodbye was terrible.

A whole two and a bit weeks came flooding back to me, I felt disappointed by the fact we hadn't done more, but happy at the time we spent together. I felt sad at the fact I hadn't cuddled them more, yet pleased I still had the chance. I felt scared knowing I had no idea when I would see them again, yet grateful for the fact they still want to live here one day.

One day.

That 'one day' is actually somewhere in 2010, seems a long way off eh? Again today I checked the NZ Immigration website, scouring for hope that they had changed the rules, but sadly they were the same. We have to have been here 3 years as a Resident or Citizen before we could sponsor them to live here too. 3 years...it feels like a lifetime, and as we have only been Residents since October 2007 we still have a long time to wait.

It annoys me, it's not fair and I am very bitter towards the fact I have to be without the ones I love. We left to create a better life for ourselves, I want to give that to my parents too but why do we have to wait 3 years? We are 110%committed to NZ and never want to go back to the UK. We want to apply for Citizenship NOW and prove ourselves to the country, but we can't. Part of the approval is that we will be 'responsible' for my parents when they come over, so why can't we do that now...why does that have to be after 3 years??

I am heartbroken right now. I dropped Bethany off at Kindy this morning and hung around in the car for a while, actually dreading to come home. Difficult times, I have a lot to think about now, many new issues floating around in my head which I am hoping only time can help with.

Thank you Grandma & Grandad for staying with us, we have some beautiful memories that only bring tears to my eyes right now but with time to heal I will cherish forever.

If only I knew when we would meet again...